Wednesday, August 22, 2007

What a man wants [the untold reality]

When people say "what women want" it conjures up thoughts of a beautiful romantic comedy(the movie if u have not seen it) but if we ever hear "what men want"... well what can I say just that mere phrase conjures up quite vivid imaginative images and if it were to be a movie, you all know what it would be about.

Before I continue a gentle caution... This blog is meant to offend EVERYONE. If you feel offended just think about the fun I had writing this and you might feel offended a wee bit more.

Well as the title suggest its all about what men want and to be a little more specific its what men want when they look for a girl. Since this occupies 70% of any man's time (the rest is spent in eating and sleeping) I think it's an important enough topic to talk about.

If this were a open question in any conversation may it be between two men, two women or a man and a woman, I am sure the answer one would get would be "Blonde chick...big ass" (Correct me if I am wrong). But is it really what a man wants, or is it something that you just say. You can always say no no my ideal women would be/is...
Dude take a bite of the reality sandwich...there is no ideal woman!!!
Now now I can see some tempers flaring be calm cause I also say with the same conviction...there is no ideal man!!! Its just some are better than the other.
So what does a man really look for in his "perfect match". I would say and most men would agree is a woman who is fun to talk to and understands them [yes men have sensitive sides :P].
Simple wants ain't it?
Yes the truth is out for all and I emphasize on all women, a man also looks out for sensible things in a girl its not all about being "big". We do not judge a book by its cover all the time. We do read sometimes you know.
AND YES WE DO READ SOMETHINGS OTHER THAN A PLAYBOY... We occasionally do read the penthouse letters you know.
To all the guys face it how many of us can hold onto a perfect 10 girl (hot bod only), and to all those who think they can, you eventually do find that perfect 11 around the corner so it never really lasts.

I cannot end this without a line of what a woman wants.
A perfect man is rich, gentle, kind, patient... damn I lost my thesaurus!!!
Anyways it does not matter I think we have already eliminated the entire male population with these adjectives the rest we can came up with later if anyone passes these screens. Don't take it to heart we admit we are not perfect but its time people realized...NO ONE IS!!!

Watch out for the highly anticipated (for me) sequel of this blog "What a man gets"
Coming soon!!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Love this song, don't know why

Dennis Leary - I'm An Asshole

I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a real f**king asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

[I'm An Asshole lyrics on]

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado Convertible
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear F**kin' Weapons
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be
I'm gonna get "The Duke"
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?
You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole
And it turns out it was him
What an asshole!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A - SS - HO - LE!
A - SS - HO - LE!

I'm an asshole and proud of it!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Grabbing a spoon

Its been long since FRIENDS started with its pilot episode and went on to become a nationwide phenomenon. Well from the day I saw that pilot, one piece of it seems to have been super glued to my mind.

Excerpt from the script:
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...

Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!

Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

Chandler: Stay out of my freezer!

This same episode ends with the following :

See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?

(smiles) I just grabbed a spoon.


Well I guess all of us or lets say nearly all of us know what was the context under which these lines were spoken and if you don't I really do not know where you have been the last ten years.

Or maybe, just maybe you had a real life unlike most of us!

Well before I go on this blog is not about the series friends but just about "grabbing a spoon". Also what i say will always be about men, well simply because I am writing from my perspective but to all women out there feel free to grab a spoon cause after all it is an equal opportunity world.

The primary question that arises from all this is do we really need to grab a spoon in our lives?

Men by nature are born lazy, some a little less but by far most are comparable to a sloth. You give us a television, a couch and a beer (feel free to substitute with your favorite drink) and he can stay in that one place for an amount of time that may surprise even the best of us (Trust me most of us do not know our inherent potentials). To me the only thing a man would do in his life by spending a bit of their energy is grab a spoon whether they really need it or not.
While grabbing a spoon its not the need that drives a man but the glimpses of what he sees on the horizon the near future. Sometimes I really do wonder whether we actually see anything on the horizon at all, or we just jump in because our hormones command us too (best defense is to blame the hormones). So its never really a need but a want, a constant desire to grab a spoon that drives us all. If men did not feel the need to grab (go figure what) trust me they would still be fine. Just lower the bar once in a while and always remember the mantra
"No one dies a virgin, life fucks us all"
(The deepest darkest fear of all men is not death but the mere thought of expiring unused)

So if we don't really need to grab a spoon yet we still do, the question moves to when should we grab a spoon and more importantly who should be the one making a grab?

To think about it do you really need a time and place to grab one? Does a man really sit and think before he actually goes out to grab his chance. Well if you were to sit and think it would not be grabbing a spoon, but getting a scoop and a bowl too. Trust me by the time that happens there will be definitely a brave soul out there who would have beaten you armed with just the spoon. (Tell me has it never happened to you? If not which world are you living in man?)
Simply put now is the best time as any.
When it comes to who well what more can I say. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you are as ready as you ever will be to grab a spoon.

Finally the last thing I want to address is whether its worth grabbing a spoon or just wait out the time and let the ice-cream come to you. (Remember this way you just get one flavor!!!)

Well at this junction of my life I can proudly say that I have made a grab for the magic spoon many a times. Was it always the best thing that I did? Well can you say what an ice-cream is by looking at just the name? I say go ahead grab a spoon and the opportunities lie well, right in front of you. I have seen few of my friends grab the spoon, well some came out tasting either a fat free or a bitter almond variety (I am sure it has benzaldehyde), whereas some just managed to grab that delicious full fat death by chocolate. Well for me I have had my share of bitter almonds and tutti-fruti (well tutti-fruti's are the best you never know whats next, so hang on to those).

Thats enough of me talking about the art of selecting ice-creams

Bottom line guys and gals, its always worth to go grab that spoon cause you never know what flavor you may come out with.